So, it’s here. The second leg of the Champions League quarter-finals against Real Madrid. You can tell I’m nervous about this because I’m writing a preview instead of just drawing a preview. I don’t write. I don't even write in text messages. I just draw back my responses.
And yet, here I am. Writing a preview.
Lineup
Ideally, I’d like to see Arsenal start 11 people on the pitch. I think anything less will make it more difficult to advance to the next round. Yes, we have a 3-0 lead going into the second leg, but I don’t think we should overcomplicate things and I think starting 11 people keeps things straightforward.
For the Real Madrid lineup, I’ve thought a lot about this, I’d like to see them start 11 newborns. I think newborns are the humans that offer the least amount of threat on the pitch and give us the best chance of advancing.
Style of Play
Usually, I like to see Arsenal put the ball in the net. This gives me endorphins or serotonin, I’m not sure exactly which one and at this point I’m not going to look it up. You see, I’ve been crunching some numbers despite my accountant's insistence that I should never do this.
It is my belief that we can give up not just one goal, but two goals. Now, it is not recommended that we give up any goals. If we were to give up a goal it increases the likelihood that there would be a squeaky bum time occurrence which in the past hasn’t worked out well for Arsenal. Though, I think there’s a solid argument that this curse has been reversed when William Saliba scored with his bum earlier in the season. If you score with a squeaky bum does that negate any bad squeaky bum things happening to you?
As far as how we should play, outside of stacking all 11 players on the goal line as a human pyramid to make sure that there’s no chance of Real Madrid scoring, I do think we should offer some kind of threat going forward. This could present itself in many different ways. Declan Rice could do his best impression of the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Toons when Real Madrid is on attack. This would confuse Real Madrid. Why is Declan Rice, a seemingly normal human being with the ability to kick the ball well from free kicks, suddenly spinning around in circles and foaming at the mouth whenever we have the ball? Is he going to bite me? This tiny distraction would increase the chances of us winning the ball back and Real Madrid would not want to have possession of the ball because they would be afraid of being bitten by Declan Rice.
The other option would be to counter attack whenever we have the ball to relieve pressure off our defense.
To each their own.
Conclusion
I think it will be a close match with some questionable heart palpitations. I recommend not wearing a heart watch or a heart monitor tomorrow because questions will be raised. Im predicting (whispers very quietly) Arsenal goes through.
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